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WHAT'S IN A NAME? For more than six years Paula Guran published -- in email form on a weekly basis -- an eccentric newsletter for horror writers and others. This commentary came from it.
DarkEcho
There you are in your own living room looking
at a milestone of sorts in your life as a writer: your first set
of signature sheets for a limited edition book. Oh sure, maybe
some friends have asked for an autograph on a magazine or something
just to make you feel good. But, hey, this is closer to the Bigs,
right?
Maybe. All I know is that I had some strange
thoughts last weekend as I plowed through about 625 of the signature
sheets.
Signed limited editions and even more limited
"lettered" editions are, for better or worse, part of
the economics of the specialty press. They literally allow some
fine books (and some not-so-fine) to exist. The book I was signing,
IMAGINATION FULLY DILATED 2, is a good example of a good book
that probably would never be published if not for this now-established
system/ IFD2 is a big, thick (500 pages) original anthology with
full-color tipped-in art reproductions -- not exactly the sort
of thing a major publisher is interested in doing. There will
be 600 signed (by ALL 30 contributors) and numbered hardcover
copies for sale at $75.00 a piece and 25 "Deluxe Lettered
Editions": leather-bound, signed and traycased copies, each
with some sort of original "remark" from artist Alan
Clark plus a matted set of the four metal plates used in the printing
of one of the illustrations.) These 25 rarities will sell for
$225 --money that goes along way toward making such publications
-- and sometimes other more affordable versions or even other
books from a publisher -- possible at all.
Who pays $225 for a book? Hey, I don't know,
but God bless them every one. For that matter, who pays $75 for
an anthology no matter how worthy or beautiful? I'm not sure of
that either, but in a world where Donkey Kong 64 by Nintendo lists
at $64.99, maybe I shouldn't even ask the question.
Do thirty or so signatures really add to
the value of IFD2? Not for me. I don't understand the value placed
on autographs. For me, the value lies in the stories, the art,
even the design and smell of a book. But, hey, I don't understand
why my ten-year-old spent all his allowance for month on Pokeman
cards.
Certainly MY signature added nothing to
the value of the book. All I did was write the introduction, something
I was honored to do. Tim Powers wrote the introduction to the
first IFD. It's probably the only chance I'll ever have to follow
Tim Powers, right? But, I was a contributor, so I had to sign.
With so many signatures, there were two
pages to FedEx around the country to various authors. My sheet
had already gone -- in a geographically logical pattern -- to
Hugh B. Cave, Jeff VanderMeer, Poppy Z. Brite, Randy Fox, David
Conover and Gary Braunbeck. I read the precise instructions, flexed
my fingers and got ready to write. First I had to find a pen...
How do these people do this? Look at these
signatures: one after another they look very much alike. My signature
changes constantly. Is this some indication of multiple personalities?
Hugh B. Cave! Gosh, this man is 90! HE can produce over 600 perfectly
clear autographs without a tremor, I can't spell my name right...
And Braunbeck, geez! He DRAWS his name so artistically...and consistently.
So does Poppy...and in purple ink...she has fans out there who
would get sexually aroused knowing they were signing the same
piece of paper she has...me, I can't figure out how she keeps
making her signature look the same.
I shoo some cats away and worry about cat
hair. As I progress, I notice some other cat hairs already in
the stack. What a relief! Wonder if collectors get excited about
a stray cat hair or two? Probably depends on whose cat it is...I
bet there are people who get sexually aroused thinking about Poppy's
cats...
I settle into a pretty uniform "Paula"
after awhile, but the "Guran" veers from a looping "G"
and a wiggle to a more precise G and more clearly formed small
letters. All unsatisfactory. There's obviously something psychologically
meaningful in this, but I ain't going there...
"Mom? What are you doing?" I try
to bribe the 13-year-old into forging my signature on a few pages...nothing
doing, guess I raised him right..."Mom? Do you get PAID for
this?" Well, no, not exactly...The ten-year-old says, "Duh,
Mom, don't you know how to make a proper cursive 'G'?" Sure,
you know it all when you are in fourth grade...
My hand gets crampy. I get grumpy. Again
I marvel at these folks who seem to have accomplished this with
unwavering and exact ease. I think of people like Clive Barker
who I have seen cheerfully sign book after book. I appreciate
their stamina, but I doubt that I am building a loyal fan base
by doing this.
I work on the project in short bursts when
I get the chance. This helps. I wonder if other people just signed
endlessly...I have dialogues with myself: 'This is sorta cool,
this is a sign that you are somebody...sorta...what you bitchin'
at, girlfriend?'...' Well, yeah but really it's meaningless...'Don't
get existential, sign the damned pages...'
I discover that I sign differently depending
on the music I have playing...this is the Iggy Pop signature,
here's the NIN one...I think this is 16 Horsepower...I think I
signed these when the kids were watching wrestling...ugh.
As the to-be-signed stack shortens I notice
that MAYBE I'm not the only psycho on this page. VanderMeer shows
definite signs of losing it. He signs one page Jeff "Ambergris"
-- a reference, I suppose, to his hilarious and bizarre chapbook
THE EARLY HISTORY OF AMBERGRIS. There are a couple that he's signed
as "The Author Formerly Known as Jeff VanderMeer," one
that says Jeff "I-Wanna-Be-Charles-De Lint" VanderMeer.
Well, at least I am not alone in my possible descent into madness...
Finally finished, I repackage it all and
prepare to ship to the next signer, Michael A. Arnzen...Pennsylvania?
Arnzen when did you move? With any luck, a lot of ink and cooperation,
the pages will progress from Mike to Chet Williamson, Rich Chizmar,
Paul Wilson, Dallas Mayr (signing as Jack Ketchum, of course),
Alan Steele, Brian Hodge and eventually be back with Alan soon
in Oregon. He already has the other page -- with signatures from
people like Ramsey Campbell, Richard Laymon and John Shirley --
back. In about a month there will be a beautiful book with some
great stories -- I know, I've seen all the art and I got to read
most of the stories in manuscript. The best part of the deal is
that I get a copy of the book. So maybe it was worth it after
all.
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